First of all- yes, there have been multiple times where my kid has picked up a hairy cheerio from under the couch, and tried to eat it (possibly succeeded at times too, three kids makes it impossible to keep my eyes on them at all times 🤷♀️). Don't judge. My house cannot possibly be completely dust and hair free. Not with 3 kids and 2 cats.
Today, as I watched my toddler pick something up that was completely inedible and quite a choking hazard, inspect it, then try to put it in his mouth (at this point I stopped him, obviously) I thought to myself 'what goes on in their minds before they do these things?'. Then I remembered all of the times he (as well as his older siblings as toddlers) has done something completely ridiculous and seemingly unexplainable. Here are my thoughts on what must go through his and probably other kids' minds in these moments:
'Oh, look it's a really wobbly stool, I should probably see if I can climb to the top of it'
Consequentially being taken off of it, and throwing a huge fit because, well, who doesn't want to fall off a wobbly stool and possibly seriously injure themselves, right?
'I wonder what happens when I shove my fingers right to the back of my throat. Actually, I bet my whole hand could fit right in there'
Following this - huge freak out as gagging ensues.
'Oh hey fluffy animal with really sharp claws and teeth! Do you like this long thing attached to your back pulled as hard as possible?!'
No, the cat does not. In fact, you're damn lucky they're so gentle because the little nip you got that made you lose your mind is nothing in comparison to what they could do.
'Oh, this thing with a lid smells pretty good. Let's take the lid off and lick it!'
In case your wondering- I'm talking about my partner's deodorant, and it was my daughter who pulled this one. I stopped her before it happened and she screamed for a solid 5 minutes afterwards 🤦♀️ I began wondering if I should have just let her lick the deodorant.
'Oh, a cool ledge. I won't step down at all I'll just keep walking and hope for the best'
Stairs. And yes, my youngest did that. Down two stairs, he's fine, it was scary, his lesson was learned.
'This bowl with water in it looks so fun, I'm going to splash in it. Hey! There's a brown floaty thing in there! And my brother's pants! I wonder what happens when I dip the pants in the brown floaty thing!'
I feel like at this point I've painted a really bad picture of my parenting 😂 But, yes, my toddler got into the bathroom (quite recently actually) and found the unflushed toilet with Parker's poop in it and dipped his brother's pants in it. When I found him he immediately started crying because he knew right well he was in big trouble.
You get the idea. I could go on for a while with this one, but I'll stop with the best ones I could think of. I better get back to my daughter who's finding every excuse in the book not to go to sleep right now. Next blog post, maybe?